The social media world is in shock, hurting and missing you @treypennington.  And even though I wasn’t a close tweep, I do remember many the playful conversations we had.  What I realized early on is what a good guy you were and how much you cared about others.  That is what drew me to you.  And I guess that is what is really tugging at my heart.  A man who cared so much for others and felt such a loss, hopelessness, emptiness as to end his life.

 Many are questioning ourselves…how could we not have recognized your cry for help, how could we not have realized how much you needed us to do more than be a Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter friend.  I never met you IRL, but have been reading endless stories where those in your presence said such a gift of yours was to make them feel like there was no one else in the room more important when they talked to you.  Trey, what a gift that was that you gave to each of person who crossed your path.  Sadly we needed someone to make you realize that there was no one more important in our room than you.

Today I lost a very good friend, one I’ve known for 18 years…one who no matter what decision I made or didn’t make stuck by my side.  She never judged whether it was right, wrong, good or really stupid.  She just stuck by me.  She traveled with me with her bowl and her blanket trusting that I made the right decision even when I wasn’t sure.  And if I hadn’t, well, she didn’t judge me, she simply curled up on top of me at night with a purr and a kiss, and you know, it wasn’t until now that I realize how comforting that was.

This little girl decided to spare me the agony of her passing.  She decided to wait until I was gone to pass to wherever you pass to next that is not in this realm.  Yes I knew she was 18 and that is old for a cat, but I guess in some weird sense, I trusted this loyal friend would always be there, yes, not realistic.

My comfort is that perhaps she was a secret Elizabeth Taylor fan and wanted to dump me to be Ms. Taylor’s companion.  What I can say is I miss her already and the tears don’t seem to want to stop tonight.

We are truly blessed when some loyal companion decides to hitch their ride with you for a long journey that may be tough at times.  I’m blessed Charlie that you stuck with me and tell Ms. Taylor to be good to you.  You are one good girl.

Ahh, grief is an interesting creature isn’t it?  So interesting how one can go through the grief process watching life flowing by at such a different pace than you feel like your treadmill is moving.  I’m watching a friend dealing with the sudden loss of a close sister and feeling the moments of grief so closely.  Strange how even with time those painful feelings can suddenly strike you at moments when you least expect them.  Yes,

Days go by and still I think of you my friend.  Every time I hear of a tornado warning I think of you Nick.  Or I see an interesting cloud formation, or a Celine Dion song.  And Judy, I think of you when I get asked a question about a software product, or drive by a sonic, or have a smoothie.

You know, perhaps that is what life is about.  Leaving a mark, a memory, to where when someone does something or sees something or hears something, well, they think of you.

There are moments in life when I think we realize we are against all odds.  Life happens, and at times, well, not exactly what had been planned, and at times, well, painful at best.  At least, I know I’ve experienced those tides of life.  What is beautiful to me is that the human nature is to step up to the plate, so to baseball speak, and face that moment when we are down, again baseball speak, by two strikes, two outs at the bottom half of the ninth inning, and well, hit that winning shot.  Humans do great against all odds.  They really, really do.  I’ve always been astonished by the human spirit of fighting when you are “against all odds.”  I truly must admit, I love that passion at that moment and the willingness to do whatever it takes to overcome the odds of that moment.

Humans everywhere across the globe excel at many things in life, but to me the thing that stands out  about human behavior?  “Against all odds.”  Yep, We are quite extraordinary at that, and I’m thinking that might be the thread that helps us figure out that regardless of where we live, or what we believe, or religion, or whatever…well, we are human.  When life gets tough, well, no matter what the odds are…us, little humans will rise up even against all odds.  And that one fact, that we are human and by god, will fight against “all odds”  connects us to everyone in this spinning ball we live…Just thinking.

We are approaching an anniversary date of the loss of a dear friend of mine.  Ms. Judy, who I’ve introduced you to in previous posts.  She’s been on my mind lately.  Perhaps it could be that the KC Chiefs are undefeated and this little die hard fan would be jumping up and down, and frankly, only talking about the Chiefs right now.  And would provide her coaching advice to anyone who paused long enough to hear her opinions.   Perhaps it is feeling sad on another year that I coach a fantasy football team without my friend.  Or, perhaps it is the sudden sight of butterflies in the air which she always loved, or the leaves falling down on the ground that are bringing memories flooding me now.  What I do know is this little person has been heavily on my mind.

What do I miss most about this kiddo?  Ahh, I miss being irritated at her volunteering me for much work when she knew I had no time to do it.  I miss my biggest cheerleader, someone who would face the battlefield with me simply because I was her friend.  I miss her telling me I was too skinny and needed to eat more.  I miss her trying to conform me into some church going conservative girl.  I miss her giving me a hard time about not having a practical car as she sat in my jeep wrangler headed to chemo with the top down and wind blowing through her hair that she had spent much time on.  I miss going for the McDonald breakfast sandwich runs when she suddenly developed an appetite and so needed to eat.  I miss her bitching about my driving skills as we ran errands and she didn’t like the way I took.  I miss the getting nudged in the middle of the night to make her a smoothie, only to find out she had fallen asleep when I staggered out of bed and made it.  Most of all?  I miss the kind and generous soul she was on this earth, and I’m very grateful these two completely opposite peeps managed to cross paths in life.

So, my kind and generous friend Ms Judy, time to catch up.  Yep, I’m  still cursing…I know, I can see you cringe right now.  I try to use the f’bomb less frequently…I did say, working on it, right.  I try to go to church every once in awhile…okay, not good in that arena either.  I’m not a republican yet.   I do continue to help out peeps in need.  Just don’t have an agent who is sending them to me.  Have to find them on my own.  I miss my “someone-in-need” agent right now.

I can see that you obviously are coaching the Chiefs right now to an undefeated start.  Coach Haley would send his thanks I’m sure.  You would be proud of the boys.  And, god knows, I need your help in fantasy football.  Getting my ass kicked.  I hope you are kicking some heavenly fantasy football booty upstairs.  Thinking you might have a tad advantage right now.  I’m sure you’ve got every angel working their tail off as you did with me here in the land down under.  What I can say that has changed, well, I miss you my friend.

]]> http://itsjustmytake.wordpress.com/2010/09/24/a-post-in-honor-of-my-friend-judy-on-an-anniversary/feed/ 0 debdobson http://itsjustmytake.wordpress.com/2010/09/23/ill-be-around-just-saying/ http://itsjustmytake.wordpress.com/2010/09/23/ill-be-around-just-saying/#comments Thu, 23 Sep 2010 04:43:07 +0000 debdobson http://itsjustmytake.wordpress.com/?p=1625 ]]>

Okay, I hate coming to a fork in the road.  It appears I’ve reached the fork.  And geez, I’ll be honest, thought it would be easier.  Thought I would always know what to do, know what to say, but I must say, no clue.  Do you ever reach that moment in life when you are suddenly completely clueless?  When you simply scratch your head and say….well, you can imagine a few of the words.  Ugh, yep at that stage. Would love to have a screenplay to follow.  Would love to have a director to say yep, okay that is what you should do next, or to say, oh god no, don’t do that.  Unfortunately we don’t get that in life.  Instead we get the family and friend opinions which at times are helpful, and well, sometimes not so helpful.

I’m pretty sure that all of us reach that stage in our lives at some point.  Am also pretty sure we simply don’t share the fact that we are utterly clueless at that moment of time that we are simply clueless.  And perhaps, that is a good thing.  I’m not sure it is entirely helpful to know that others are at the moment of clueless…fork in the road, and no idea where to go next.  Not entirely inspiring.  I’m thinking many of us truly don’t want to admit the utter helpless feeling you might be at a certain point of your life.  Am thinking it is far more helpful to know that others know exactly what to do when things are good or when things are bad.  But, that’s not really always the way life works.

We tend to want to look like we are in complete control I’m thinking….or at least that we are in control in those moments when we are completely not in control.  And geez, relationships seem to be one of those moments in time when we want to have some control.  Yep, this post is about relationships.  I know I’ve been off the grid for a while.  Been dealing with some stuff, and they have all involved a very ill friend, a death and a long term relationship.  It appears the long term relationship has changed.  Yep, the fork in the road.  And I’m at the point of not sure what to do next.  Wishing I had a script or at the least a director to point me in the right direction.  It might come as a surprise for me to admit that I’m a private person and don’t like to share real personal stuff, but felt like it might be helpful to another who might be going through a change in their lives.  What I do know is change is simply a part of life.  It just sucks when it happens to be you.  To be honest, it is so easy to say that when the change is happening to someone else.  I know.  I’ve given that advice that change is part of life.  Amazing how different it feels when it is your life.

So, for all of those who are dealing with change…well, your friends will be around…and you, will be around for those friends who are going through change.  The beauty of life and friendship…well, we all are around.  And, that is a gift in itself.

Those closest to me will get this post.  Otherwise enjoy Peabo at his best.  Sweet song, great words.

I appreciate you dear peeps, trust me, helping me through that you don’t know you are helping me through.  And truly I mean thank you from the deepest part of my heart.  Can you stop the rain?  No, you can’t, but simply being there helps the rain lessen with time.  Life has a way of being terribly ironic.  I’ll be honest, I had no idea this curve ball was coming.  I don’t mean to be cryptic, but need to be right now.  Let’s just say the following…

For those of you dealing with a storm, yes, the rain does stop at times if you look for the rainbow or so I’ve been told.  I do believe it.  Have seen rainbows.  And yet I’ll be honest, hard to see a rainbow at the moment…but, looking hard.

Perhaps it is when we get in touch with the darkest we touch a rainbow?  I don’t know.  I just know for a few months here I’ve been carried on the wings of tweep angels, and for that, well, I’ll be forever grateful.  May need a few more weeks on the magic blankets, and hopefully over time, I can pay you back.  Please hug yourself, grab your loved one and appreciate the good, bad of that loved one.  Push your ego aside and just appreciate the humanness of that being.

]]> http://itsjustmytake.wordpress.com/2010/09/09/can-you-stop-the-rain/feed/ 2 debdobson http://itsjustmytake.wordpress.com/2010/09/02/a-beautiful-tribute-to-nick-dutcher-nick4127/ http://itsjustmytake.wordpress.com/2010/09/02/a-beautiful-tribute-to-nick-dutcher-nick4127/#comments Thu, 02 Sep 2010 04:09:31 +0000 debdobson http://itsjustmytake.wordpress.com/?p=1576 ]]>

This is a beautifully written post by Traci Angel for the KC Star about someone who was an angel on this earth and now an angel in the clouds.  For those who weren’t blessed to know this kind, loving man, this post describes him perfectly.  Thank you Traci.

An arrest was made.  For those who love and miss him?  I guess it brings some closure.  At least I know it brings some relief to know that justice is served.  All I can say is I find it quite sad.  A young 20 year old will go to prison for a long time.  It is sad that a young 20 year old heads to jail for many years, a waste of life.  He is a thug, so yes, he deserves to go to prison.  This young man killed a kind friend to many, and why?  Over greed?  Stupidity?  Simply being a thug?

I feel sad that a young 30 year old kind soul who would do anything for anyone is killed and a 20 year old kid who stole and killed will spend, likely, the rest of his life in prison. It is so senseless.

Nick’s killer Antonio T. Grandison was charged on Friday night with first-degree murder, armed criminal action and first-degree burglary in connection with the case. Grandison is being held on $500,000 bond.  I truly am grateful they found Nick’s killer.  This is a story about a kind soul, Nick, a senseless murder, a loss of life, a waste of a young life, his killer and Nick.  This young man Antonio makes me as sad as the loss of my friend.  I don’t understand.  He will obviously get to face the consequences of this terrible act.  Does that bring comfort?  Not really, here is a young man who didn’t value a human’s life.  Who made choices out of greed perhaps?  Who never was taught, or never learned to value life.  The story of this murder is the loss of two people’s lifes.  One by choice, Antonio and one so unfortunate, Nick.

Those who knew Nick know he would do anything for anyone.  If he had been in that room and saw Antonio attacking someone, he would have done everything he could do to fight them off.  It is so sad that he was alone with this murderer with no one to help.  And it is sad that Antonio’s mom finds out that her son has killed someone who loved his mom so.

There is nothing good that comes out of this, except that perhaps justice is served.  Unfortunately, it is sad in every way.  Perhaps what comforts me, and not sure about others, is that when I look at a cloud I think of Nick, and wow, that is a nice way to be remembered.  I look at a cloud and I think of a kind, sweet, caring soul.

So proud of you Reggie.  Wonderful job.  And peeps, you need to listen…and well,  buy this tune.

To listen: http://twiturm.com/atbpn

To download:  http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/meghanmizell