Empty Garden

Posted on August 1, 2010


Ugh, I’ll be honest, I’m not looking forward to tomorrow, and yet, I am blessed to have a tomorrow.    I’m not looking forward to tomorrow because tomorrow is Nick’s (@nick4127) memorial service.  I wish Nick would have the chance to look forward or not look forward to another day.   Unfortunately, he will never get that chance.  At such a young age, that opportunity was taken from him.  The irony of life, eh?

There are many of us in pain with the loss of Nick’s presence in our lives.  There are many of us who miss his smile, positive attitude, funny sense of humor, enthusiasm for life.  Nick loved storm chasing.  Nick loved weather.  And this week, the cloud formations in the sky have been quite dramatic and beautiful with storms building up all around Kansas City.  As I stared up at them, I wondered if it was Nick’s way of showing us, mere mortals, that he is up there dancing in the clouds.  I don’t know.

So, why do I so hate memorial services…well, and really dread them.  The finality of them.  I don’t want Nick to be dead.  I want to pop on twitter and banter about a storm, or share a chinese lunch or dinner.  I don’t want this.  Tomorrow won’t be about storms, chinese, dogs, a laugh.  And yet, tomorrow will be about all of those things.  It will be about Nick.  Perhaps it is simply us, mere mortals, who feel as if we are left with the empty garden.  Perhaps what we are left with when someone leaves are seeds that grow if we pay attention to them.  I don’t know.  I wrestle hard with this as I have lost several very dear friends in my life.  I don’t have an answer.

What this little mortal does know….I miss you Nick and I hope to hell you are dancing up there in the clouds and going on some of the best damn storm chasing adventures in the world.  And, when my name is called for that ride, I’ll join you on the storm chasing adventure that I regret missing when you were in the mortal world.

This is belated, but @nick4127, you are my #followfriday.  A final follow to a really great, dear, sweet guy.  You are dearly missed by so many.