A Footprint in Wet Cement

I think we all want to leave some legacy behind. Some reminder we existed. That we did something that meant something to someone. We mattered. Maybe that is why kids feel compelled to put their hand or foot on wet cement. They can walk by the sidewalk and see it. A reminder they were there.

I know I’m getting philosophical here, but lately been thinking, and perhaps I can blame (and I mean that in the very best way) my coach Kat for helping me think about it. Am thinking that each of us look to put our foot or hand print on the wet cement of life’s journey. The irony? I’m thinking it is not until you find your true calling that you have the wet cement palette to put your print on.

Those who follow me know I spent 10 years in IT at a law firm. And you know I was laid off in April of last year. I truly believed I would be at the law firm for years. The universe had a different plan. One of the partners called me in the summer to ask if I was getting any leads from the resumes I was sending out. My response, I was more likely to get a phone call if I printed up hundreds of resumes, went to the top of the firm’s 18 floor building, and tossed the resumes off to the street below.

In the fall, I responded to an ad from a technical recruiting company, Workforce Services group. We set up a meeting where they would be interviewing me for possible consulting gigs. What happened? Well, I taught them about social media. It lead to an invite to an event for job seekers on how to leverage social media in their job search. The speaker? Me.

The night of the presentation I watched the attendees enter the room, sign in, get their materials and find a seat. The majority had been out in the unemployed world for a while. How could I tell? Shoulders slumped, trodding feet, dejected expressions. For some, hopelessness. I knew all so well how they felt.

The presentation began. The attendees were leaning back, pens next to the presentation materials. Some had arms crossed, expressions of “yeah, I’m here only because I’m out of ideas, but I really don’t think you are going to tell me anything that might help me.”

What ended up happening? Talking about social media to this room full of people ended up being a talk about hope, about being proactive in a process that you felt you had no control of, about looking at what your true path was meant to be. I had no idea. I had prepared to talk about social media, and found the evening was about putting your footprint in the wet cement of life.

At the end of the evening, a fellow came up to take my business card and tell me he was planning to start an online business. He said he had wanted to for some time and now knew he could with the social media tools. A woman who had been in IT for a while said she was planning on going into floral design and could transition with social media.

Was it me who made this into an evening of hope, opportunity? No. It was a collective group of people. A community in one room asking each other questions, encouraging each other, breathing life into each other. It was what social media is truly all about.

What the room full of people didn’t realize that night is they made me realize my footprint in the wet cement. Teaching, learning, sharing this social media journey. And for that, I’m very grateful.

Believe

Those of you who follow me know I love sports. I can’t wait for KU Jayhawk basketball, tennis, Tour de France, NFL playoffs and many other events. If I had been born in a body that was bigger than 5 feet tall and 90 lbs dripping wet…well, okay, and male, I would have been a tremendous quarterback, point guard, cyclist, tennis player. The reality is I’m not. This means I need to scrap after every point in tennis, fight for every yard in flag football, chase other cyclists and well, basically, believe.

This is a story about believing. And as it is the Australian Open season, it is a tennis story. My good twitter bud @ginidietrich thought it might make a good post. I think it does.

This is a story about what it is like competing on the court and the mental journeys that occur. It is a story about acting as if you believe you can win even when you might not have a chance. With tennis competition, there is a fine-line between believing and acting as if you believe. It can change within moments, within a match, a set, a game or a point. Your opponent is watching your body language, expressions closely, like a shark, will smell the blood and pounce if you let it show that you feel vulnerable.

Those who watch, or perhaps don’t even watch tennis, might believe it is all about hitting the ball, physical endurance, strength..The reality is that that is what the practice drills/sessions are all about. That training is meant to train your muscles to react on memory in a match so that your mind is free to think about shot selection, your opponent, the point. This way your mind is available to deal with the mental and emotional aspects of the game, and not the mundane of the shot.

So you practice hard. You work on drills that are scenerios of the
type of points, type of opponent you will play. You push yourself to
the limit, and then push yourself further so if a match goes long
and grueling, you not only last, but exceed. You want your
opponent to look across the net and think…”geez, she won’t wear
down. She chases every ball down. She never gets discouraged.” No matter what the score is your opponent wonders if she’ll break
first.

Then you show up for the match. Thanks to the web, you can now see your opponents match results online. You look her up and see that she has utterly kicked ass of every opponent you have played and then some. Great, you think, as you head to the court on a Friday night. I’m going to get my ass kicked. No, you think. Bad thoughts. That won’t help you in this match. Focus on the points. This game is one shot at a time. Shot by shot leads to a point. Point by point leads to a game. Game by game leads to a set. You can do this. Focus, relax, have fun. You repeat the mantra over and over as you pull the heavy bag that contains racquets, sweatbands, towels, gatorade out of the jeep. It is late…8pm on a late October night. You shiver as you feel the chill of the strong fall winds.

Great, cold, hard winds. Just what I needed. I have a high toss, the
wind will make it tough to control. I hate wind, I really hate wind.
No, you think. Out of my head negative thoughts. It’s okay. The
wind will make it tough on her. She has to struggle with it too. You
check in at the same time nodding pleasant smiles at each other, but knowing that both of you are checking each other out. Who will get this match, you each are thinking.

You both walk to the court silent, deep in your own mental
preparations for the match. Both have butterflies, the anxiety that
makes competing interesting. Both put your heavy bags down pulling out racquets, towels, gatorade, then moving to your opposite sides of the court. She hits the ball and I return with an easy stroke
silently measuring her pace, watching as I return the way she moves to the ball forehand, then backhand. I hit a short ball, then a wide
ball, then a deep ball studying how well she moves, as she does the
same with me. I stand tall, self confident, arrogant to an extent is
the perception I want her to have. I want her to think that I know I
can blow the ball past her, that I can return at will, that she’ll
struggle to return my serve.

The reality is I know she’s far superior to me and that it will take luck, incredible effort and some help from the universe to be able to win. I’m just praying it will take an hour at least so I feel I made her work a little. She’ll never know that though. I won’t tell her.

What happened. 3.5 hour match. I hustled, dove (literally bloody and bruised by the end of the match), scraped and fought for every point. It was 35 degrees by the time the match finished with 20 mile per hour winds. Noone was there to see, but she had no idea that I thought I was going to get creamed. I pumped my fist at every shot that was a winner. I held my head up high when I missed a shot. I stood tall as if I knew I could beat her. At the end, she shook my hand, told me what a great competitor I was and I knew that I had fought for every point. I had spent an entire match convincing myself that I could compete, and proving that I could. I had acted as if I believed it, and she believed I could.

In Honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. – Some of His Quotes

Belief: “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

Birthday: “The quality, not the longevity, of one’s life is what is important.”

Character: “The time is always right to do what is right.”

Hope: “If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.”

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Martin Luther King Jr., Strength to Love, 1963

More quotes.

Deb’s First 2010 Follow Friday Picks

Can’t believe it is another follow friday and the 15th of January 2010. It is a new year filled with anticipation, hope and dreams. There are so many of you good tweeps in the twitterverse, and so many of you who inspire me daily with your tweets. So, here a few of my Follow Friday recommendations for this week.

@planethealer Becky inspires me with each tweet. A 13 year survivor healing stage 4. A generous, kind, positive, loving soul. If you want to be inspired daily, follow this woman. Truly.

@KrisColvin Kris is smart, honest, funny, creative and I love to see her on the twitterstream. She also is part of my motivating force to get in really good shape this year. My virtual workout buddy. She makes me smile and be inspired. A good follow.

@JoyceLayman Joyce, one of my KC tweeps. A cyclist, horse woman with very inspiring tweets. She’s a keynote speaker, and even though I have not seen her speak, I met her IRL at a networking event and she inspired me. A great follow and is in the pursuit of a six pack set of abs along with @KrisColvin and I.

@tstonecareers One of my newest tweep friends and I so enjoy tweeting with him. He is a great RT’er, interesting, and funny, even though I wish he would take some of the KC snow. A truly engaging guy.

@markvanbaale Mark is a KC tweep. I’m sure we’ve seen each other at the KC Social Media Club meetings IRL, but I’ve really enjoyed getting to know him in the twitterverse. He is a great RT’er with a compassionate heart and a great knowledge of social media. A genuinely good guy…and I love his avatar.

@LeeHiller Lee is a sweet dear soul. She has wonderful quotes that inspire me daily. A great heart. She also is very engaging…and did I mention smart? She is.

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010

Hello 2010! I’m so happy to finally see you. Time to take a deep breath and exhale out 2009. What an interesting year you were for me, and I suspect many others. I started Year 2009 with a bang…literally. Buried alive with projects at work, going home to eat, sleep, walk the dog…not necessarily in that order, and not much of all 3. During the drives to and from work, I listened to NPR and felt sad for the people who had been or were being laid off. As bad as I felt for them, I was grateful I wasn’t one of them, even though a little rest sounded good.

April 14th after little sleep and the day before tax day, I drove into the office giving a pep talk to a very good friend, co-worker, who had just found out she had been laid off.

“It sucks,” I told her. “It really does. You are a very good employee and very good at your job. It is the economy. Good people are getting laid off. Trust me, you will find something. I’ll help you network with people I know and help you with your resume or whatever you need.”

We talked as I parked the jeep, walked into the office building, rode the elevator up to my floor and walked to my Help Desk staff’s cubicle to drop off some food for them. Next thing I knew, I was riding the elevator down with my friend who I had counseled. I had gotten laid off.

As confident as I had been that I could help and support her, I suddenly felt my own confidence disappear in helping myself. After ten years of pretty much nonstop work, I felt lost. Most of my friends through those ten years became those who I worked with at the firm. They were shook, fearful for their own jobs and at a loss of what to say. Suddenly I realized how alone I had become in a moment, and how much of a true work-a-holic I had become through the ten years.

Thank god I had become involved with social media a couple of years before, and twitter back in the early summer of 2008. Being a people person, I had developed some good friendships with tweeps all around the world. I say thank god because the twitterverse cared that something bad had happened to me. Tweeps offered encouragement, support, a shoulder to cry on and helped give me hope. Thank you.

I had some life take aways (learnings from the challenges that test your strength and perserverance) in 2009. My german shephard got very sick and after many tests, was diagnosed with lymphoma. Cannot treat her due to other health issues. Mom had some serious health issues. My front concrete steps decided now, while I was building a clientale and worried about money, was the perfect time to crumble. I could add a few more here, but you get the point. Life happens.

The lessons…

Stay present for each moment in life, enjoy the ride
Take time to treasure the little things in life
There’s more to life than work (this is still a challenge as I love work)

For ten years of Shelby’s (my german) life, I was mostly at the office or if at home, working on my laptop. I would drag her through her obligatory walk getting impatient if she wanted to watch a bird, sniff at a bush or simply take a slow stroll. We paused only when I felt I needed to respond to an email on the crackberry. She would wait patiently for me.

For ten years, I would visit Mom spending time on the crackberry, cell or laptop on office stuff. I sort of listened to her, but realize now how much I was distracted…and she knew it, resented my tools or as she calls them toys.

For ten years, my friends dwindled down to those at the office or on the tennis court. The others got tired of me stepping out of the restaurant on the cell, or cancelling at the last minute because I was at work dealing with an issue.

So 2010, I’m taking my learnings (and many of them came with the help of tweeps and tweets) and going into 2010 with gratitude, awareness, love and joy. I’m going to enjoy each day of the ride and hope that I can see the blessing in all that you give me.

Fortune Cookie

This has not been one of the best weeks, but the good news is that it is Friday. So, time for a post.

One of my comfort foods is Thai food. I love the soups, the red curry vegetables and of course, the fortune cookie at the end. My life coach @katjaib has been working with me (and by the way, she is wonderful) in being fully present in the moment, being able to really pay attention to things (which to be honest in 10 years of working non-stop, yes, work-a-holic) I missed a lot of the wonderful little jewels in life.

So, I was feeling pretty down and decided to treat myself to my favorite thai place. A wonderful bowl of rice soup, red curry and then my fortune cookie. The snow was beautiful on the fir bushes with the sun glistening off them. I got my bill and opened up my fortune cookie “You are the flexible person in your present situation.”

Damn, I thought. I want another fortune. But the truth is that I’ve always been flexible and adaptable….thank you Mom for that gift.

As I paid my bill, the thai waiter smiled and nodded their head bowing. “Yep, that’s me,” I muttered. “Flexible.” It is a good trait and one that in this economy and rapidly changing world of technology and changes is much needed by all of us.

Just my take.

Bully Leaders

I’ve been watching the KU football coach Mark Mangino story with much interest. Mark Mangino was accused of being a bully leader. That is not exactly what the phrase was…According to a story filed by Doug Tucker (AP) “Athletic director Lew Perkins, who accepted Mangino’s resignation after ordering an internal review of allegations of mental and emotional abuse of players, declined to say what money settlement was reached. If fired without cause, he would have been due $6.6 million.”

There are many out there I would assume who have worked at some time for the leader who is a bully. And, if you are a driven worker naturally, you’ve probably mentally debated with yourself if the boss was really a bully, or simply very demanding. I know, because I worked for one.

Bully leadership is not simply on the playing field of football teams, it is also in nonprofit leadership, corporate offices… And being somewhat of a control person, I found irony in that. For the subordinate, there is much risk involved in confronting and trying to deal with the bully boss. And I can tell you from having experienced it, there are a number of good articles out there with various strategies. In my case, none of them worked, but I was actually blessed by losing the game. Truly you learn a lot from the experience. I learned to research and try a variety of strategies to be able to work with the least of bullying I could. Some worked short-term and some where complete failures, but I tried, and I learned that it is the act of trying that is most important.

So, I have no idea if the accusations are true or not against Mangino, but I know that he brought much success to KU (the team I love) and I also know that the player who brought the original accusations is very brave to do so.

If you find yourself working with a bully boss, seek advice from the good resources out there, your friends and even a counselor who can provide outside insight into the situation, and best of all good luck. At some point you will need to make a decision into whether you want to stick it out or not.

And if you find yourself possibly being a bully boss, seek advice too. You can turn that into collaborative management and see far greater results from your staff.

“Fear in the Workplace”

“Is Your Boss a Bully”

What’s Up Tiger?

I’ve watched with much interest the clamoring for information regarding the Tiger Woods car incident.   Tiger, at this point, I’m sure, wishes that he was invisible or that he could take back the night of the crash.  The longer he stays silent, the more the nightmare grows and unfolds.  Many of us truly can appreciate when we wanted to simply hunker down and let the tidal wave roll past, hoping that we didn’t get caught up in it.  But, the reality?  The harder you try to avoid the tidal wave, the stronger it hits you and the longer the nasty ride.

Can Tiger ride the wave out?  Yes, I believe he can, but will it be painful, yes.  Could it have been less painful and embarrassing, yes.

This is a great lesson for business leaders who simply try to hunker and avoid the wave.  It is much better to stand up and confront it.  Mistakes happen for better or worse, but avoidance will not make it go away.  At best, it will fuel the fire and the curiosity of those who are watching.

Interestingly enough, I hear from many business leaders that they are afraid of engaging in social media because they fear a tidal wave.  The reality is the wave will occur whether or not you choose to engage.  So, you can either duck and get hit with the wave or engage and enjoy the ride.  What will you choose?  The choice is up to you.

Deb’s Follow Friday Picks

It is “Black Friday” (or as I now prefer thanks to @katjaib and @heyclay “Slack Friday.”) and time for my Follow Friday picks.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and a day full of festivities, family and food, lots of food. I managed to make a turkey and vegetarian dinner with nothing burnt, devoured by the watchful eyes of a german shephard, schnauzer, 2 hungry kittens or an old grumpy cat.

Once the house emptied back to its original quiet state, I popped onto twitter and smiled as I saw some of my favorite tweeps online. We shared Thanksgiving wishes & our various holiday activities, catching up on each other’s days. I realized that my extended family has grown tremendously, and all due to twitter. What an incredible thing! So, sorry for the repeats of tweep recommendations in this twitter post…I get a little sentimental at the holidays.

@katjaib What a wonderful gift she is. Not only a good friend who makes me laugh, makes me think about my perspective(s) on life and has such a wonderful heart, but also my life coach. She helped me change my mindset going into these holidays, and I can’t even begin to say thank you enough. She is so supportive of tweeps, shares great insight and has a great sense of humor. A must follow.

@nancymyrland Nancy is such a dear soul. She is so very sweet, thoughtful, considerate and smart. A legal marketer who really gets this whole social media stuff…it is about the relationships, and I’m so grateful to have her as my friend. She provides great insight on business development with her Myrland Marketing moments, so follow her to catch them and other great tweets.

@justinthesouth Someday I want to meet this great guy. In my mind, I have this cheerful voice with a big smile across his face when he greets me in the morning. It always makes me happy. He is a sweetheart and a great follow too! He shares in tweeps successes, promotes whatever they are doing, great social media insights and really cares about people in general.

@clarinette02 This woman is very smart, informative and engaging. She’s also teaching me French…how cool is that. I’m language challenged, but having a blast learning and she’s so supportive. She’s a lawyer who is not afraid to try technology, and she is pretty damn techie. Someday soon I hope to go across the pond and meet her IRL.

@zoeyshea What happens when you put two wonderful tweeps together (@shandrab and @zoeyjordan)? Well, considering @shandrab always makes me laugh, except when I’m worried about her flying to Kansas via a tornado, and so does @zoeyjordan…you get really funny tweets! Great take on real life. Love them both, so of course, have to recommend you get 2 for 1 with this follow.

And last, but not least, @msjenniewalker You have to follow Jennie. It is HER BIRTHDAY today!!! She is sweet, creative and very, very talented. Her CD gets released in the UK 12/11/2009 and I can’t wait to say I remember her when. She is such a damn good singer and you can get a sneak peak at www.jenniewalker.com.

Deb’s Follow Friday Picks

It is the end to another week which means it must be Friday…the Friday before black Friday. Therefore, it is time for my Follow Friday recommendations of great tweeps to follow.

@Sobk13 I met Natasha at our virtual picnic this summer. I adore her sense of humor and I knew I would when I read her bio “renegade lawyer”. How could I not love her. She is smart, funny and very engaging. A great follow.

@London_Law_Firm Chris was recently described on twitter as “coolest lawyer in London” and I would very much agree. The guy oozes coolness. Very creative, engaging, supportive of tweeps, dog lover and really funny. Met him at the virtual picnic too and so glad I did. I hope to meet him across the pond someday. A must follow.

@fernandovarela Fernando is the brother of @julito77 and that is how we met. He has the most powerful, beautiful voice and is a must watch as I know he will be a tremendous success and we can all say I remember when….he is not only talented, but sweet, caring and a great brother I can tell. Love the whole family. Here is a video of him performing. He’s damn good, isn’t he.

@cheryl528 This tweep is someone I worked with IRL. Upon my layoff with the law firm, she has taken on many of the roles I did helping to promote the firm. She has tremendous initiative, loyalty, great sense of humor and humble nature. She is a very good friend and a good follow.